Gone to soon...

Aleron, 

I can't stop thinking about you, your life, the memories with you, but mostly I can't stop thinking about your heart.  Your heart was golden, innocent, childlike, caring, grateful.  You were funny, goofy, always making someone laugh.  You were talented, so talented, gifted and handsome.  Al, you worked with what you were given, never complaining, never giving into the world around you.  You stayed you, uniquely you. 

I'm glad I got to tell you I loved you in April.  Glad I got to talk to you about life that day, glad we had that conversation.  I didn't know it would be our last.

I know you wanted to hang out that day, wish I would have dropped everything to spend time with you and Katrina.  I know we all have our regrets.  But I know that your absence has made a lot of us think twice about our lives, about how we care for one another.  

Your death is not in vain cousin.  It's caused a shock wave in our universe.  We must make room for one another, we must love.  I'm sorry it took your passing to wake up.  But we won't forget you and we won't forget this revelation.  

You are forever with us Al, ingrained, imprinted, woven, engraved into our heart of hearts.  Until we meet again in a far better place than here...I love you.

Home life, it's beautiful.

Today was a fulfilling day.  Get ready for this...I went to work, waited on a few tables, picked up my baby from abuelita's house, went grocery shopping, got home, checked in on facebook and put the groceries away.  Then I made dinner, ate dinner with Pietro, fed Selah, cleaned up after dinner with Pietro's help :}, gave Selah Strawberry Nestle quik for the first time, and she surprised me and sang, "You are a good, good mommy".  Then I gave her a bath, read her a bedtime story, prayed with her and here I am blogging.  It may sound boring to some but I am so grateful to have a family, a home, a home life.  There is nothing like it.  It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.  (Nicole, if you're reading this, thanks for the warm and fuzzy analogy.)  

Tonight after Selah's bath, I was holding her all wrapped up in her towel.  I noticed she was looking into my eyes, she let out a little sigh and smiled.  It's times like these that make me realize she's feeling loved, safe and secure, at that very moment.  That does something to me inside.  Creating an environment like this for my family is something I've always wanted, and here I am living it.

As I prayed with Selah tonight my heart was filled with thankfulness.  I was thanking God for my health, her health, Daddy's health, our home, our jobs, the food in our fridge, the cars that work, our family, and our friends.  It was one of those prayers little ones recite as they mention everyone's name in the room including their doggie.  That was me, going through the list in my mind, thankful as could be.  It may sound so simple minded but it just felt right.  Who knows what tomorrow brings, it could hold disaster.  Why not relish the moment and count today's blessings?

God, even if tomorrow brings disaster, help me to have a grateful heart, one that looks beyond the circumstance and holds onto hope in you.  Thank you for today, my heart is filled to the top. ~ Amen

Scrap book of my middle part in life.

I just recently turned 33, around 10 days ago.  I consider this time to be the middle part of my life.  I've never seen it this way until right now.  And I just decided that the latter part of my life will begin at 50.  Geez, weird to think of myself at 50 years old.

Anyhow, it's finally time to record my thoughts and reflections in one place.  You should see all of the notebooks I have sitting around various parts of the house, in my purse, on my iphone.  It's silly.  I've been wanting to consolidate them so this is perfect!

As I sit here writing my first blog, I can see this being like a scrap book of my family life.  I hope to share it with Selah some day.  She's only 2 and half, but the time is flying.  If I could freeze time I would freeze it to now.  My baby girl has the cutest curly Q hair you've ever seen.  On top of that she is saying the funniest things on a daily basis.  Here are a few.  "Time to go, that's my queue.", "Don't judge me.", and when she wants something she prefaces it with, "Mommy, I love you.".  She is also getting so much better at listening and obeying.  I am also getting much more stern and learning to follow through with disciplining.

Pietro and I also celebrated 7 years of being married on the 23rd.  Our love for each other is deepening as we go through the good, the bad and the ugly together.  God is definitely the glue in our marriage.  I'm blessed with a loyal husband who still tells me he loves me and with the same breath turns and tells his baby girl he loves her.  What more could I ask for?

Jesus is always so faithful in my life.  It was a crappy summer, spiritually speaking,  mostly by my own doing/choice, partly circumstances.  But I am back to pursing my Savior's heart.  This is where I long to be, in pursuit of loving and knowing Him.  As I do that I'm being restored and have passion again.  "Hope which was lost, now stands renewed", Savior King - Hillsong. 

I'm blessed, content and happy to be alive.

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9